[Radio Soundpost]

[xyzai]

[As the song fades out]

I have a friend. Yes, it might surprise all three of you listeners to know. And this friend is angry at me -- fair enough. I think that it's something everyone has experienced at least once. And I'm almost sorry, or I might be, but then this guy -- let's call him Curly -- goes around my back to a bunch of people that I know.

This is a song for you, Curly.

[Everybody tells me that it's cool to be a cat/It's cool for cats]

Ah, oops. That's the wrong one. Let's try that again.

[Mighta had a little fun/Lotta wrong I'd done/But it ain't my fault].

In all seriousness, people have to take responsibility for their own bullshit. That's not really possible without confrontation.

Have you ever hurt someone? Been passive aggressive? Wanted to deck someone else for being passive aggressive?

How do you apologize and tell the other person they're being a dick at the same time? Open to advice and comments -- anonymous is enabled.

[Sweetness, sweetness I was only joking/When I said I'd like to smash every tooth/In your head]

Metaphorical smashes only, sweetness.

[Baby I'm sorry/Not sorry]

Okay, I knew that I was going to have to play that one. Time for some recovery.

What would you do?

(ooc: This is a soundpost from Zaizen's weekly radio show. The show takes place in the wee hours of Wednesday morning. This snippet is linked to dreamwidth; if the comment is made while he's on air, Zaizen will read it out loud and answer. He also takes song requests.

If your character would be asleep, but wants to reply later, please comment with an asterisk in the title and Zaizen will respond by the normal dreamwidth means)

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

That song before last made me puke a little in my mouth, thanks for that. Anyhow, I'm sure I've hurt people, but I'm not good with verbal apologies so I do other things.

Radio response

[xyzai]

[reads the comment aloud]

Sorry not sorry, puke guy. I hope that dinner was worth tasting twice.

What do you do?

Re: Radio response

[(Anonymous)]

Puke guy here. You should be sorry, that's a shit song. See where this is going?

I try to do something I know they like, something I don't usually do or particularly enjoy doing. It shows effort and thoughtfulness.

Re: Radio response

[xyzai]

Puke commented back [reads his comment aloud]

To the doctor's office, probably.

Hm...Effort and suffering...I could sing Demi Lovato, but I don't think that anyone would enjoy that and I would have to drop out of school.

Re: Radio response

[(Anonymous)]

Puke again. The effort and suffering have to affect you alone, not the entire insomniac community and your friend.

Re: Radio response

[xyzai]

Puke continues to grace us with their presence [reads comment aloud]

If I have to suffer alone, I could cook. At least I'd get to eat after.

[(Anonymous)]

It's probably one of the most difficult things to do. Friendship can be as shallow as a pond or as deep as an ocean. It's your gamble on how far you want to go...If you believe you've both wronged each other over a situation then you should apologize. In turn, they should but they might not. It's just how it is.

I would tell them that I felt wronged with their actions either way and then tell them that we should get some Ramen. You were a dick but a still love you? :)

[xyzai]

Here's a message from...Sailor Moon, on friendship. [Reads aloud]

Yeah -- I don't really want an apology from him though. He knows that I think he's a dick always regardless.

*

[legally_blond]

It depends on my relationship with them. Some people in my life can call me out for being a dick any time they want, as long as they're willing to face the same from me as well.

Re: *

[xyzai]

From my completely uninformed, unbiased third party opinion, they're not wrong.

Re: *

[legally_blond]

Ah, darling, you're not allowed to call me out for being a dick any time. We're not that close yet.

Re: *

[xyzai]

Good thing that I was only commending your friends.

But call me darling again and I'll call you a dick regardless.

Re: *

[legally_blond]

I hope you're so kind like this to your friends as well.

Re: *

[xyzai]

I think you can extrapolate your own answer from this post.

Re: *

[legally_blond]

Then perhaps you should actually listen to people's comments and advice.

Re: *

[xyzai]

You have no evidence that I'm not.

*

[gtl_yukimura]

Play tennis. Fixes everything.

Re: *

[xyzai]

Except for my face, if I decided to play him right now.

*

[gtl_yukimura]

Shiraishi has bandages.

Re: *

[xyzai]

Yes, but no mop. Or the tools to potentially reattach limbs.

Re: *

[gtl_yukimura]

Do you really think he'd hurt you that bad?

Re: *

[xyzai]

No.

Re: *

[gtl_yukimura]

Then you'll be fine. Play tennis.

Re: *

[xyzai]

So what you're saying is play upscale fetch.

Re: *

[gtl_yukimura]

If that's what you want to call it, sure.

Re: *

[xyzai]

Woof.

Love doc on the air

[love_doc]

Oh dear. That’s quite a pickle, isn’t it.

My suggestion - and keeping in mind here that you did ask for it would be to acknowledge what happened and work your way from there. And no, unless you can be certain your friend listened to your appeal here this doesn’t count. Do it to their face. Tell them you are sorry they were hurt. Surely you will think this is obvious and maybe it is but hearing it can go a long way to mend fences. Then tell them that what they did in return upset you, maybe if you are in a particularly sharing mood even tell them why. If this is a real friendship your feelings do matter to this person just like their feelings matter to you.

So in the tldr version: Acknowledge your mistake. Apologise. Admit your feelings. This 2018 - everybody is allowed to have them.

Peace out - Love Doc

Re: Love doc on the air

[xyzai]

[As music, Thundamentals - Sally, fades ]

We've got Love Doc on the line.

[listens to what he has to say]

I'd rather not apologize at all than apologize for them being hurt. I can't apologize for someone's feelings, only my actions, which I don't entirely regret. Part of the outcome was his own doing, but it's true that I could have done something to reduce the impact.

On February 28th, 2018, Zai admits to feeling annoyed. I'm pretty sure that feeling matters to him, in that he's smug about it.